It started out as one of the happiest days I had experienced in a long time, my boyfriend was home on leave for Christmas and we were headed home to Leadville for our break. Once there, we were having a great time just sitting around with our families, talking and laughing. One phone call changed all that. When the phone rang, my boyfriend answered it and I could hear his serious tone as he said goodbye. As he turned around, I knew something was wrong. Everything good about that day came crashing down when he said, “Nick Palmer was killed in Iraq today.” All of sudden, my heart felt as if it stopped, and all I could feel for one moment was disbelief. It was impossible to imagine that someone that close to me had vanished from this plane of existence and that I would never ever see him again. Then the pain set in and my tears fell, and I had no control over them. I tried not to cry in front of my boyfriend’s family, but the instant grief I felt took control and I had to leave the room, where I continued to sob uncontrollably. That night as we were lying in bed, I felt all the pain return and once again I lost control of my emotions and asked Landon, “Nick’s really dead, isn’t he?” All he could say back to me was, “Yes.” That moment changed everything about the war for me from that point on.
Nick was one of my very good friends, and one of the proudest Marines I have ever met. Ever since I had known him, he wanted to be a Marine, and he was living out his dream in Fallujah, Iraq. We talked every once in awhile on MySpace, and he called when he had the rare chance. But our communication was not what I wished it had been, and I find myself regretting that every day. The bizarre thing was that the last time I had talked to Nick, in November; he had made a statement about something that went along the lines of “If I ever make it back…”
Before Nick went to Iraq, the war seemed so distant and almost ineffectual. The thought that one of my friends would be killed in combat over there never even crossed my mind. It was just something he had to do for a little bit, but he would be home in March, and we had already all made plans to party it up again. Of course I watched the news and heard about the few soldiers and Marines being killed each month over there, and my heart went out to the families who had lost their sons or daughters, brothers and sisters. But when my turn came around, I was not even prepared for the emotions I would feel, how my opinion and view of the war would change, and how I would deal with the death of a great friend.
The War in Iraq is different from most of the wars America has ever fought. Most Americans do not feel a connection to the war, it is just something they see on television and feel the need to voice an opinion on whenever it is brought up. Even when you know someone who is fighting over there, you hardly think about it. The minute I found out that Nick had been killed, that all changed for me, and the majority of my friends. All of a sudden the war was a very real situation that had been thrown too close to home. The pain and grief Nick’s death brought changed the reality of the situation over there. It has been three months since Nick was killed, and now every time I watch the news and they present their segment on Iraq, which they do every night, I cry. I pray for the military forces over there every day, and I appreciate what they do so much more. I also find myself defending what our armed forces are doing over there even more. I was patriotic before I lost a friend, having a boyfriend in the service, and numerous other friends, but these days I feel as if I bleed red, white and blue. When other people make comments about the “waste of life in Iraq”, I become very passionate that it is not a “waste” because those who give their lives in the service knew what they were going into, and they chose to defend our country. It is a sacrifice they make for us to keep our basic rights. But I also feel more conflicted about my views on the war now. As much as I support our soldiers, I pray every day for their safe return and for this conflict to be over. I do not wish the loss of a loved one to the war on anyone else in this country, but I know that as long as we stay over there, more young men and women will sacrifice their lives for our country. On the other hand, I feel that if we just walk away from this fight, it’s a disgrace to the soldiers killed in it. We need to finish this war for their sake, for Nick’s sake. Nick was so passionate about what he did, about being a Marine. He never questioned what he had to do, and so when he left, neither did we.
Losing a friend over in Iraq has to be so much different than losing a friend in the same city. As I wrote this paper, all my pain for Nick came out in torrents, and as hard as it was to continue writing, I felt I had to for Nick, and for myself. The catch with having a friend killed so far away is that it takes longer to feel the grief because they are not instantly gone from you sight. It is not as if you saw him hours before, and then all of a sudden he is dead. It has taken me these three months to feel the full effect of Nick’s death. I finally have let it sink in and become part of my reality. Tears can now flow more freely for Nick’s sacrifice, and I can talk about those couple of days more easily with friends who also lost Nick.
Nick was one of my very good friends, and one of the proudest Marines I have ever met. Ever since I had known him, he wanted to be a Marine, and he was living out his dream in Fallujah, Iraq. We talked every once in awhile on MySpace, and he called when he had the rare chance. But our communication was not what I wished it had been, and I find myself regretting that every day. The bizarre thing was that the last time I had talked to Nick, in November; he had made a statement about something that went along the lines of “If I ever make it back…”
Before Nick went to Iraq, the war seemed so distant and almost ineffectual. The thought that one of my friends would be killed in combat over there never even crossed my mind. It was just something he had to do for a little bit, but he would be home in March, and we had already all made plans to party it up again. Of course I watched the news and heard about the few soldiers and Marines being killed each month over there, and my heart went out to the families who had lost their sons or daughters, brothers and sisters. But when my turn came around, I was not even prepared for the emotions I would feel, how my opinion and view of the war would change, and how I would deal with the death of a great friend.
The War in Iraq is different from most of the wars America has ever fought. Most Americans do not feel a connection to the war, it is just something they see on television and feel the need to voice an opinion on whenever it is brought up. Even when you know someone who is fighting over there, you hardly think about it. The minute I found out that Nick had been killed, that all changed for me, and the majority of my friends. All of a sudden the war was a very real situation that had been thrown too close to home. The pain and grief Nick’s death brought changed the reality of the situation over there. It has been three months since Nick was killed, and now every time I watch the news and they present their segment on Iraq, which they do every night, I cry. I pray for the military forces over there every day, and I appreciate what they do so much more. I also find myself defending what our armed forces are doing over there even more. I was patriotic before I lost a friend, having a boyfriend in the service, and numerous other friends, but these days I feel as if I bleed red, white and blue. When other people make comments about the “waste of life in Iraq”, I become very passionate that it is not a “waste” because those who give their lives in the service knew what they were going into, and they chose to defend our country. It is a sacrifice they make for us to keep our basic rights. But I also feel more conflicted about my views on the war now. As much as I support our soldiers, I pray every day for their safe return and for this conflict to be over. I do not wish the loss of a loved one to the war on anyone else in this country, but I know that as long as we stay over there, more young men and women will sacrifice their lives for our country. On the other hand, I feel that if we just walk away from this fight, it’s a disgrace to the soldiers killed in it. We need to finish this war for their sake, for Nick’s sake. Nick was so passionate about what he did, about being a Marine. He never questioned what he had to do, and so when he left, neither did we.
Losing a friend over in Iraq has to be so much different than losing a friend in the same city. As I wrote this paper, all my pain for Nick came out in torrents, and as hard as it was to continue writing, I felt I had to for Nick, and for myself. The catch with having a friend killed so far away is that it takes longer to feel the grief because they are not instantly gone from you sight. It is not as if you saw him hours before, and then all of a sudden he is dead. It has taken me these three months to feel the full effect of Nick’s death. I finally have let it sink in and become part of my reality. Tears can now flow more freely for Nick’s sacrifice, and I can talk about those couple of days more easily with friends who also lost Nick.
1 comment:
I cried when I read your essay. I too lost a close friend in this war, and I understand how you feel. I totally agree with your point on the fact that people don't seem quite as linked to this war as other wars we've had in the past. With all of the protests and news debates about the war we seem to lose touch in just what exactly is going on with the people we love over there. Everyone is allowed to have an oppinion about the war, but we must always have the utmost respect for the brave people that choose to go over there and try to help. Great Essay!
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